Forever Alone

I had 2 things i want to ask my Dad who is currently in the hospital right now. 1.) have you been happy? 2.) have you been happy with us?. two critical questions i never thought i wanted to ask him recently and i regret not asking him when he was still normal and conscious. among all offspring, i felt that i am the blacksheep of the family. i had a partner whom they didn't like and no achievement in life. My dad has always been very concern about me when it comes to my personal life. everytime he said these words, i feel being stabbed in the heart feeling pain for my mom. he suffered the fate and wanted me not to suffer the same too. everytime there's a problem between my mom and dad, my mom was always wrong. she is always the one in pain and in tears, even today. as much as i want to ask questions and talk to them personally but i feel it's a sign of weakness if i did this. before i was so open to my mom and my little sister, but now, its a different story. i realized many things, and the biggest is "you only have yourself to bring you up. you have two hands to stitch your wounds, two feet to stand alone an eyes to see the future" right now i am feeling the words.

Freedom

I don't feel like being here anymore and i don't feel like working there anymore. i wanted to be free. free with misery and anything that disturbs me, i want to be happy i want to fly and i want to forget every pain i've been through. i started hating my life lately and i wanted to let go every responsibilities i had. i want to have my own space, my own time and my own life. though as much as i don't want to say this but i really wanted to be free- of everything.