It's been a while

It's been a while since i last dump something about what i am feeling. i guess the fact that growing up makes the grouchiness brought out of me, but right now i have a mixed emotion and undirected life. i suddenly got lost in my life's transition. i have a good job, friends and family and special someone, i thought i couldn't ask for more but things got complicated as i move along. i have predicted before this would possibly happen but i never thought it's really this painful. the most confusing part is i feel like i have to choose between family and my special someone. i challenged myself to choose both but the difficulty i am having is the time to prove itself. the more i prove i can stand alone, the further my family goes (or was it just me feeling it. if i will choose my family, i will regret the rest of my life to let- "the one that got away". now i am torn physically, mentally and spiritually. i need a friend to go to but it's telling me i must not especially the decision will still fall on my hands alone.