Lately

Confused why am i feeling this way. the feeling of hopelessness, alone, unmotivated and stressed to everyday living. it's unlikely me but the way i am seeing things are, they are making me sad, confused and numb. it's the price i pay for the sins i committed and i can't stand up and pick up the missing pieces i lost. i lost my principle, pride, honor and my name by doing mischievous things. i can't help most of the day but whine, sigh and be sad. i tried drinking for quite some time, but it does not help. i can only sleep for a few hours and when tomorrow comes, the heartache is still there. i can only say these things here and i plan to bury it here on the world wide web. those people whom i have hurt and continue hurting must not know this. i feel my life is short that is why i want to be happy for most of the time but then i think its time to consider others as well. the question is now, how will i win them back?

Forever Alone

I had 2 things i want to ask my Dad who is currently in the hospital right now. 1.) have you been happy? 2.) have you been happy with us?. two critical questions i never thought i wanted to ask him recently and i regret not asking him when he was still normal and conscious. among all offspring, i felt that i am the blacksheep of the family. i had a partner whom they didn't like and no achievement in life. My dad has always been very concern about me when it comes to my personal life. everytime he said these words, i feel being stabbed in the heart feeling pain for my mom. he suffered the fate and wanted me not to suffer the same too. everytime there's a problem between my mom and dad, my mom was always wrong. she is always the one in pain and in tears, even today. as much as i want to ask questions and talk to them personally but i feel it's a sign of weakness if i did this. before i was so open to my mom and my little sister, but now, its a different story. i realized many things, and the biggest is "you only have yourself to bring you up. you have two hands to stitch your wounds, two feet to stand alone an eyes to see the future" right now i am feeling the words.

Freedom

I don't feel like being here anymore and i don't feel like working there anymore. i wanted to be free. free with misery and anything that disturbs me, i want to be happy i want to fly and i want to forget every pain i've been through. i started hating my life lately and i wanted to let go every responsibilities i had. i want to have my own space, my own time and my own life. though as much as i don't want to say this but i really wanted to be free- of everything.

Best wishes for you, Grave wishes to me!

after a tiring work from the office on a rainy wednesday night, i thought i could just eat and watch a tv program then sleep soundly but it turned out what i heard instead of saying "best wishes" i caught myself murmuring "grave wishes" to me. i keep telling myself that i shouldn't complain over a responsibility. however i feel depressed whenever the 15th and 30th occur because nothing is left to myself. it's all about them but honestly, i am getting tired of that statement, instead of seeing them grateful i feel being used. i don't know if i have to feel this way but honestly i am getting sick of this. i want to be free, do my own, spend my own and think on my own in which i feel i am forbidden of. hopefully after this night i am dumping some waste of words and emotions here, i will be ok by sunrise if not them i have to consult a sexy long legged B cup lady psychiatrist now.

Not letting the one to get away

Quoting the entry from my previous post The one that got away ...What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?". my response to myself after reading that line "as long as we both hold on, we won't break away". apparently a test happened to us. in just ahttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif span of week, many things had almost changed. i almost lose the person i truly love. it took us a week of silence, an hour talking our hearts out and a minute of kiss to get us back. we may manage to surpass the first strong waves. looking forward to the strong waves, i just hope, our hands will fit and hold tighter as stronger waves happen.

I can't read your mind

like the lyrics goes sung by Cultured Pearls. i can't believe i am singing it again after quite some time. i really can't read her mind yet i hope she didn't had a change of heart. i miss her so much and i can't help myself missing her so much.

It's been a while

It's been a while since i last dump something about what i am feeling. i guess the fact that growing up makes the grouchiness brought out of me, but right now i have a mixed emotion and undirected life. i suddenly got lost in my life's transition. i have a good job, friends and family and special someone, i thought i couldn't ask for more but things got complicated as i move along. i have predicted before this would possibly happen but i never thought it's really this painful. the most confusing part is i feel like i have to choose between family and my special someone. i challenged myself to choose both but the difficulty i am having is the time to prove itself. the more i prove i can stand alone, the further my family goes (or was it just me feeling it. if i will choose my family, i will regret the rest of my life to let- "the one that got away". now i am torn physically, mentally and spiritually. i need a friend to go to but it's telling me i must not especially the decision will still fall on my hands alone.

Heartworm

Heartworm disease is a serious and potentially fatal condition caused by parasitic worms living in the arteries of the lungs and in the right side of the heart of dogs, cats and other mammals, including wolves, foxes, ferrets, sea lions and (in rare instances) humans.

Heartworms are classified as nematodes (roundworms) and are but one of many species of roundworms. The specific roundworm causing heartworm in dogs and cats is known as Dirofilaria immitis.

Adult female heartworms, that may grow to be 14" long, living within the infected animal's body release their young, called microfilariae (pronounced: micro fil ar ee), into their host's bloodstream. The mosquitoes become infected with these microscopic worms after biting into an infected adult animal for a blood meal. During the next 10 to 14 days, the microfilariae mature to the infective larval stage within the mosquito. When the mosquito bites another host (dog, cat or other susceptible animal), the infective larvae enters a new host through the bite wound. It then takes a little over 6 months for the infective larvae to mature into adult worms that may live for five to seven years (in a dog). The microfilaria cannot mature into adult heartworms without first passing through a mosquito.

Heartworm Incidence

The onset and severity of disease in the dog is mainly a reflection of the number of adult heartworms present, the age of the infection, and the level of activity of the dog.

Dogs with higher numbers of worms are generally found to have more severe heart and lung disease changes. Until the number of mature heartworms exceeds 50 in a 55 pound dog, nearly all of the heartworms reside in the lower caudal pulmonary arteries (the arteries of the lower lung lobes). Higher numbers of heartworms will result in their presence in the right chambers of the heart. In such infections, the most common early pathological changes caused by heartworms are due to inflammatory processes that occur in and around the arteries of the lower portion of the lungs in response to the presence of heartworms. Later, the heart may enlarge and become weakened due to an increased workload and congestive heart failure may occur.

A very active dog (e.g., working dog) is more likely to develop severe disease with a relatively small number of heartworms than an inactive one (e.g., a lap dog or couch potato). In an occasional dog with a large number of heartworms, the worms may not only be in the heart but also the caudal vena cava (large primary vein of the lower body) between the liver and the heart. This syndrome (Vena Cava or Liver Failure Syndrome) is characterized by sudden collapse and even death within 2 - 3 days if they are not removed surgically.
Symptoms

Heartworm disease may cause combinations of medical problems within the same dog including dysfunction of the lungs, heart, liver and kidneys. The disease may have an acute onset but usually begins with slow barely detectable signs resulting from a chronic infection with a combination of physiologic changes.

Dogs with a low number of adult worms in the body that are not exercised strenuously may never have overt signs of heartworm disease. The heart and lungs are the major organs affected by heartworms in dogs with varying degrees of clinical signs.
Treatment

Most dogs infected with heartworm can be successfully treated. The goal of treatment is to kill all adult worms with an adulticide and all microfilariae with a microfilaricide. It is important to try to accomplish this goal with a minimum of harmful effects from drugs and a tolerable degree of complications created by the dying heartworms.

Heartworm infected dogs showing no signs or mild signs have a high success rate with treatment. Patients with evidence of more severe heartworm disease can be successfully treated, but the possibility of complications and mortality are greater. The presence of severe heartworm disease within a patient in addition to the presence of other life-threatening diseases may prevent treatment for heartworm infection.
Prevention

While treatment of canine heartworm disease is usually successful, prevention of the disease is much safer and more economical. There are a variety of options for preventing heartworm infection, including daily and monthly tablets and chewables, and monthly topicals.

All of these methods are extremely effective and when the drugs are administered properly on a timely schedule, heartworm infection can be completely prevented. Due to the temperature dependent nature of the heartworm life cycle, use of heartworm preventives may be considered seasonal in some of the northernmost parts of the United States.

The heartworm preventive season which veterinarians will employ depends upon their knowledge of the heartworm life cycle, the transmission pattern in their region, and the individual client’s activity profile. Before starting a preventive program, all dogs that could possibly be infected with mature heartworms should be tested.

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On becoming a DOG!

I was a pup before, until today. i realized on how to become a dog by becoming more responsible. way back as a pup, i only bark on my sibblings if they do not play with me. later on i bark my mother because she won't give me milk as i already have a teeth not until after 6 months of hardcore training, i finally have to set sail from a far away land. i have to seek my own adventure, i believe all dogs pray that someone will take care of them. i must admit i have my defects, i only have a testicle and have a 6 finger on my left paw. i am also lazy and fat and sometimes dumb, but guess what, a lady sent from heaven above came up to me when i needed someone to love me the way i am. my old owner- a champion dachshund breeder said that i won't breed good but hey he was right, i can't even sleep with my wife but guess what where he is wrong at? there is this lady and her family who wanted someone to love regardless of whatever his defects maybe. i was sold cheaper than my brothers but hey i am so blessed because i have a whole bunch of special people who loves me and accepted me the way i am. i on the other hand loves them so much that i cry whenever they went out of town because i am afraid i will get starved if no one will feed me (just kidding, i love them with all my heart). if you'd ask me the very thing i could do to them, is to give each a special attention. for my:

Mama- (the lady who bought me) dance around whenever she's back home. i know how much she misses me.

Lola- sleep beside her and hear her unending regrets in life and in the end, i'll give her some ticks and fleas to kill so that she won't remember the pains.

Lolo- nah, just bark at him whenever goes up the stairs and ask for bread every morning. i hate him, a bit but a bread with butter will do every morning *wink*.

Big Auntie- be sweet whenever she visits home, i miss her a bit but eversince, she never pat me because she said i am dirty (yes i am, i sleep on the rugs)

Small Auntie- stay and watch her do her projects everyday. i know she loves it when i am around because it eases her stress in school and in lovelife as well.

Uncle- as for my tragic-clown-weirdo-uncle, i might say, he's a bit special, he maybe funny and looks ok, but deep inside when he's all alone, he just sighs and say, 'i must be strong'.

i had to admit, uncle was the one who made me write again because i later realized he is growing up by handling responsibilities at home, it may be easy for some but to him, it's a bit pain in the ass especially if the one he is helping at home, doesn't love what he loves- his tooooot!.

anyways, back to becoming a dog, as the old dog sage teachings says "a dog is a good dog if he can bark, everytime". starting today, i will learn to bark and guard my family but first, let me finish my dinner...